Occasionally I will decide to read the whole of a blog.  This is because I often find myself with an abundance of both time and bandwidth, which I’m sure will come as a surprise to very few of you.  So I find a blog that I’ve been meaning to check out, but haven’t because I don’t like to just start in the middle of something.  I have to start at the beginning.

This is why I’ve been reading The Bloggess for three days straight.  I’ve read from June 2007 to December 2008.  And then I was confronted with this post, in which Jenny goes to Jesus camp in Texas somewhere and is confronted by a frightening insect.  ”Ha!” I thought,  ”Insects in Texas are not so bad.  You should see the centipedes in Iowa!  They’re crazy scary looking!”

Then I clicked on the associated Flickr image.  Holy shit, you guys.

Holy shit.

Commenters (how is that not a word yet, dictionary?) correctly identified this as a mole cricket.  As in it’s kind of the creepiest cricket/scorpion/silverfish you’ve ever seen in the back, only it’s fucking huge and it has mole hands in the front.  Like a mole.

So I go to Wikipedia for anxiety relief.  ”Surely,” I thought, “surely this abomination only exists in Darkest Texas and maybe in Australia, because all of the worst bugs are in Australia.”  But Wikipedia only makes things worse.  First, there is the distribution map, which shows that two of the three species are present in THE WHOLE OF NORTH AMERICA.  (Except Alaska.)  Then, Wikipedia calmly reassures me that “because they are nocturnal and spend nearly all their lives underground in extensive tunnel systems, they are rarely seen.”  Whew.  Thank goodness.  Oh, but wait.  ”They can also fly.”  WHY DO THEY NEED TO FLY IF THEY LIVE IN TUNNELS?

If you are looking for me, I’ll be hiding in my closet.  Forever.

(Note: I do not recommend you click on any of the links in this post lest the mole cricket haunt your dreams, too.)

(Note the second: I am not posting a picture with this blog because I think that if I Google image search “mole cricket” I will not be able to leave my house ever again.)

I credit two of our own (Ajee Prior and Weapon of Math Instruction) for turning me on to graphic novels. I must have spent hours on the couch pouring through Neil Gaiman’s masterpiece, the Sandman series. Since then I’ve read quite a few fine examples of beautiful storytelling in this format, although I’ve never found anything that’s captured my imagination quite the same way that Gaiman did. Until now.

Some of you may be familiar with Joe Hill. He published his first novel (Heart-Shaped Box) in 2007 and a second (Horns) in 2010.  Both are excellent additions to the horror genre–I particularly enjoyed Heart-Shaped Box, which made it all the way up to #8 on the New York Time bestseller list.  Now Joe Hill is dabbling in graphic novels, and I am enthralled by the results.  Behold!  Locke and Key.

I’ve read the first two hardcover compilations (Welcome to Lovecraft and Head Games) and I’m dying to get my hands on the third.  It’s a story about children, but it’s not for children.  It’s about secrets and lies and how the past can come back to haunt you.  Hill has created a magical world with compelling characters, and the illustrations are just beautiful.

Wikipedia informs me that it’s also been optioned for a television series that started shooting in February.  Of course, there’s a good chance that in adapting it they will fuck it all up, but here’s hoping they won’t.

(It may be remiss of me not to mention that Joe Hill is Stephen King’s son, but he really seems to be trying to make it on his own merits.  He may have learned his storytelling skills at his father’s knee, but he’s coming up with some amazing ideas all on his own.)

Here is a trio of geeky song re-makes to start your day off right.

Geek and Gamer Girls Anthem – Watch more Funny Videos

I’m so geeked about this movie, you guys. I’m assuming you’ve all seen the two recently released shots from the set, but I’m going to reproduce them here for posterity.

Filming is underway with a tentative release date of December 19, 2012. A bunch of the last film stars will be back, including Sir Ian McKellen, Andy Serkis, Cate Blanchett, Sir Cristopher Lee, Elijah Wood and Orlando Bloom. Martin Freeman will be Bilbo–you may remember him from Hot Fuzz, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, or Love, Actually.

They’re doing it in two parts. I’m torn about the 3D vs 2D thing. I generally don’t like 3D movies, but occasionally it works really well. (Note: I don’t actually know if they’re releasing it in 3D–I’m just assuming.)

Other movies I’m hyped about include: Jane Eyre, Your Highness, and X-Men: First Class. Anyone else have upcoming movie recommendations?